


Carried Home

by giraffles



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Adoption, Backstory, Canon Trans Character, Ep 69 will destroy this im sure, F/M, Gen, Headcanon, I LOVE HER SO MUCH, Introspection, Language, Other, Post-Canon, Spoilers, but shhhh enjoy it, cries a lot about her, so much lup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 19:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11767218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giraffles/pseuds/giraffles
Summary: Years ago, Lup had sworn off ever having children.





	Carried Home

**Author's Note:**

> screams, drops this here before the finale, and throws myself into the ocean

Years ago, Lup had sworn off ever having children.    
  
It had been a sort of backwards piece of logic-- if she didn't have children, then they could never be left high and dry if she happened to kick it. Because she wouldn't wish the life of an orphan on anyone. She wouldn't trade those years for the world, every low and every high and everything in between with her brother by her side. But that bleakness, that lonely road, no, a kid didn't deserve that. And it was selfish too, to absolve herself of any further guilt, because she didn't have to be responsible for anyone but Lup.    
  
There was also a jealousy, a vindication that smoldered within her, of those who got to live a life that was normal and whole. Those who didn't get shuffled from distant family member to distant family member, grudgingly tolerated at best and all but ostracized at worst. No one taught them how to take care of themselves. They learned it all the hard way, with no one at their backs but each other, fighting for a little piece of the world to call their own. It was easy to become closed off. Independent to a fault. Fanning the fires of bitterness that would drive her to do great and terrible things.    
  
So she'd been an angry teenager at some point. Who hadn't been? The years on the IPRE campus may have tempered that, age and wisdom taking out some of the bite out of her rage, but it didn't extinguish the feelings. Redirected them, maybe. No one had ever found out who really set fire to the dining hall, after all. She found a new way to be angry, quietly catching light again at the realization she could never have her own children; not with a body that couldn't carry them. Magical alternatives were risky with little pay off at best, and downright unconscionable at worst. So what was the point? She would stand on her own, in defiance and spite with only a sibling for a helping hand.    
  
Something changed on the Starblaster.    
  
Okay, a lot of things changed on the Starblaster, like her sense of the universe and what home meant. Nothing says bonding like being flung between planes, or becoming so wrapped in the threads of time that you _can't fucking die_. Every year, every fight, every reset, and she was back on the same deck with the same people. And yet so very different. Because you can't live a century like that and come out unscathed. It wasn't all bad. There were beach parties, magical worlds that seemed too strange to be real, quiet nights in a crowded kitchen and desperate gambles for more time. It was everything they had been looking for, in a way-- they certainly got to explore multiple planes of existence. It would have been much better if they weren't running from a phantasmal, world-eating horror all the time. But she supposed it could have been worse.    
  
There was a boy she fell in love with during a century of learning and war. Shockingly shy in her presence, stumbling over words and finding excuses to talk to her. Almost unbearably sweet. So _brilliant_  in his own way, yet somehow, still a nerdlord in worn out jeans. It happens so slowly, in the midst of everything else, that she doesn't realize how bad she's got it until the two of them pour their souls into a duet. And it doesn't matter that it was performed for a group of people or for a mysterious force hiding in a cave-- it was for them, and only them. Hearts rising and falling in perfect time. Synchronicity, simplicity, heartache and healing woven into sound. That was the day he went from an infatuation, a fixation, to a solid anchor of emotion in the storm that had become their lives. That was the day she said to herself, "Oh.", followed by a "Well, shit.". Lup traded a little bit of cynicism for a giddy taste of real, pure joy.    
  
She begins to reconsider things a bit. He loves her for all she is-- not despite her bad humor and destructive tendencies and a body that's caused more turmoil that she'd like to admit, but because she's _Lup_. He's something that's clawed deep into her chest in a way that aches so wonderfully. They really shouldn't be thinking of the future, especially when things are so uncertain, but she can't help but do it anyway. Settling down actually sounds nice after the hell they've been through. She starts thinking, that maybe, she would like to have the family now that they never had growing up. It's just a fantasy at the moment, one that might never come true, but she has to find every shred of hope and cling to it. If they stop hoping, stop fighting, stop _living_ , then the Hunger will win. And it'll be the end of everything.    
  
It doesn't last. Because it can never fucking last, can it? They think they have the solution when they break the Light of Creation into pieces, crafting items of desire and power, and plunging an innocent world into chaos. Everything she's ever wanted to avoid was suddenly caused by her hand. People are dead. Children don't have parents anymore. And it's all her fault. The guilt crushes her, threatens to undo her, and she decides she can't let it stand. She doesn't think she can fuck up any more-- and then she gets stuck in a goddamn umbrella.    
  
Nothing could have prepared her for the utter loneliness that consumed her. The lack of seeing, hearing, feeling _anything_  would have been enough to drive her mad. It nearly did. She learned patience in there, excruciating as it was, and fought back the beast of despair at every turn. It took every ounce of strength she ever had to stay _herself_. She knew there wouldn't be anyone to save her, not when all she had left was a quick note on the table for her lover. But she could hope. All she had was hope.    
  
\--    
  
A decade and a whirlwind of adventure later, Taako breaks her prison.    
  
Technically, she isn't alive, but this is the closest she's felt in far too long. Her very being is power and fury made real and she unleashes all of that on the encroaching shadows. Lup has been able to manifest her presence a handful of times, throwing everything she had behind her brother or the young wizard who had wielded Umbra Staff for a moment, but this was different. This is everything she ever was woven into a spell of fiery destruction. Death can't hold her. The Hunger can't stop her. _She_  is the storm now, wild and awe inspiring, to be both feared and loved. This is her world now. Her family. Woe to any force that tries to hold her down.    
  
\--    
  
The Day of Story and Song comes to a close. After so many harrowing fights and close calls, it's almost hard to believe it's really over. It's the realization of dream they almost didn't dare to consider. And through this last epic fight, she comes to know the newest members of her family.    
  
A younger Lup would have been jealous. Instead she's grateful for the people who came into their lives while their memories were in limbo, who kept dear friends safe and sane while they scrambled to save the world. She likes the way they run into battle alongside her like they were always meant to. The voidfish's song helped, she's sure, but they were there before that light illuminated everyone with their saga. She watched many of them from her proverbial tower. And now, when it's all said and done, she turns her phantasmal attention to one boy detective.    
  
Angus still seems a little intimidated by her. Understandable, considering she's still a necromantic wonder who just set scores of enemies aflame. She _is_  pretty badass. He's a sharp kid though, so young and yet unraveling secrets that no one else noticed, filled with a determination that feels nostalgic. He's not half bad at magic either. She also knows he doesn't have anyone to return to. He's not her responsibility, hell, his orphan status isn't even tied to anything they did, but she makes a split second decision anyway.    
  
"Ango, dear, I'm adopting you." Lup says with finality. He looks puzzled as she pats his curls best she can with a ghostly hand.    
  
"Ma'am," He begins, blinking back at her behind his glasses, "That's really not necessary--"    
  
"Too late," She replies cheerfully, "I'm your mother now."    
  
Taako mouths a 'what the _fuck_ , Lup', but she's too exhilarated to care. Barry sputters in surprise. She thinks Magnus is going to start crying.    
  
There have been a lot of tears today, over many different things. Over those found and those lost, and even some who were found again, of forgiveness given freely. In relief, the letting go of stress and fear and getting through things in one piece. For the moment they have enough to begin again. Anything else will come with time.    
  
Now, she has what she needs to build a home.


End file.
